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mad man1. The fact that Michael Jordan is unequivocally a better player than LeBron James. Maybe you’ve seen him get an animalistic look in his eye when he overhears someone say Muhammad Ali was a better boxer than Rocky Marciano. He may have overturned a buffet table when another patron talked smack about Pete Rose. He will kill for these beliefs, but he will not offer up a concrete opinion on which shoes look better with your dress.

2. His attempts at growing a beard. Not all beards are created equal, but even if a guy can only grow five unconnected tufts of hair, he will still get angry when you make fun of it. Outliers to this rule are anyone who can grow a beard like Gerard Butler.

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