Stop! in the Name of Love: 10 Little Things Your Spouse Doesn’t Want You to Do
It’s fairly easy to understand that marriage requires us to observe certain well-proven truths — basic ideas like “Don’t cheat,” “Don’t be cruel,” and “Don’t forget to flush the loo.” These are easy to recognize and adhere to. But what about some of the smaller stuff? The little things that probably drive your spouse crazy? Check out these 10 things you might be doing that your spouse is probably NOT okay with: – By Serge Bielanko
A lot of us have looked at our spouse or partner’s phone when they were still sleeping or whatever. Why do we do it? Humans are curious by our very nature. So when we happen to glance down at the counter and see our partner’s phone, there is a chance that we are going to whisper to ourselves, “Just one little peek. It won’t hurt anyone!” But the violation is monstrous.
So many people like to say that they are 100 percent open with their partners in love and life. According to them, “everything” includes being tenderly honest about ALL of the lovers that they have ever known. Do you really think that your partner wants to know about the bizarre love triangle you were involved in with your professor and his 73-year-old dad in college?
If you ever want to field-test how truly crazy that calm/cool/collected sweetheart of yours is, then say something about their parents. Trust me, you’ll be sleeping in a hotel. No matter how messed up and dysfunctional our own families are, the instant someone else says something negative about our flesh and blood, most of us go rogue. There are no exceptions either. When it comes to your in-laws and extended family you will never ever win.
Here’s the thing: you might feel as if, “Hey, we’ve been together for six years now and we have gone through some tough times together … so I think it’s safe to say that she’s totally at ease with me leaving the bathroom door wide open.” You might think things are that way, but you are very wrong. She (or he) might act nonchalant about it and put on an unconcerned face, but believe me when I tell you that the damage has been done.
The other day I heard a report on the radio that said that in a recent study, more married people fought over the remote control than ANYTHING ELSE, even money. While I am still slightly uncertain if that could honestly be the truth, we should never underestimate all of the meaning that is attached to that little black box. When we hog it, we are in essence denying the love of our life the coveted options of choice, right there on our very own couch.
Here is one that’s tricky. See, there is a long, storied tradition of married people sleeping together in the same room every night. It’s born of a beautiful and sweet notion — the idea of always being there to peck him or her on the cheek at the end of a long day. But, as a guy who has been enjoying the upside of separate bedrooms for a while now, I wonder if people force themselves to sleep in the same bed as their mate simply because they think that’s what they’re “supposed to do.” Take heed if your sleep time routine isn’t the romanticized one you thought it would be.
Much like their mobile phones, our spouse’s personal computers and laptops can become pretty tempting at times. Yeah yeah, I know, you HAVE NEVER and WOULD NEVER peek at your sweetheart’s Mac. But the truth is: a whole lot of people have done it and do do it. Sure, it’s fairly easy to just pop in and check out what your hubby or wife has been up to on-line, but believe me when I tell you that nothing but trouble ever ensues from violating this branch of trust between you two.
What benefit do any of us reep from keeping track of our ex-boyfriends or girlfriends? Then why are there still so many people who simply cannot find the strength in letting go of old flames? And please don’t tell me that even just looking at their photos is just harmless, basic human curiosity either. Because I will look you square in the eye and tell you, “No.” It’s weird and it’s unhealthy and frankly, when you break it all down, it’s not at all fair to the person standing next to in the kitchen every night.
If you smoke cigarettes and your spouse doesn’t, don’t think that he or she is okay with it. Maybe you were a big pothead back then, when you first hooked up with this person you ended up marrying, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you ultimately recognized that people change in one of two ways, for the better, or for the worse. Even though we often want to believe that it’s mostly out of our hands, the reality is it is up to us to choose our path.
Do you have secret money? Is it just a few twenties that you keep tucked away in your wallet in case you happen to run across something cool at a yard sale, or are we talking “secret bank account” here, or a credit card your better half knows nothing about? Yet it can be done, and couples navigate the harsh financial straits together all of the time. Some might say that balancing a budget together brings you two closer together.