Last year yielded a few new trends we liked, some we grew tired of, and many we really never liked (hidden wedge heels inside sneakers just seem so masochistic). Suddenly not feeling your neon clothing anymore (or perhaps you’ve singed your retinas)? Fear not! Fashion is cyclical and you may want that bright chartreuse dress one day. But personally, we at Shine are taking a much-needed break from these 13 items in 2013. Let us know if you’ll be joining us.
1) Hi-low hemlines aka mullet dresses
Celebs love showing off their legs, but this swooping hemline is having an identity crisis. Rather than a sexy mini or a flowing maxi, there’s this weird, confused, hi-low monstrosity. It’s like a rat-tail: we just want to snip it off!
This in-your-face trend has been popular for years, and when done in small doses (like the trim on a clutch) it can be playful and unexpected. But in 2012 people got way too comfortable wearing head-to-toe neon and outfits are starting looking like Halloween costumes. The clothes, the nail polish, the hair! Ahh, our eyes! We’d love to put these colors on mute.
3) Spike overload
We get it, Miley Cyrus, you are so tough and you’ve totally shed your Disney image. But you know what we’d really appreciate? An outfit that’s composed of at least 60% non-metal. Really, ladies. The clothing, handbags, and shoes covered in spikes are overkill and truly an accident waiting to happen. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
4) Top knots
Nicole Richie, you’re usually ahead of the style curve, but this ballerina bun is played out. Yes, top knots were our easy, go-to holiday style, and they’re prefect for days when there’s no time to wash. They’re also an ideal ‘do for the gym, the beach, running errands, and pie-eating contests (we’re just guessing). Grab a bottle of dry shampoo and experiment with a new style this year.
5) Tribal prints
From ikat to cevrons to everything in between, this year’s music festival gear was like a vomitous explosion of tribal prints (and coordinating arm parties, of course). We yearn for simple, crisp stripes, or dare we say solid fabrics.
6) Fancy pajamas as clothing
Yes, Rihanna’s silk PJs and robe is a far cry from grungy sweats or Snuggies, but we still think jammies have no business outside the home, let alone on the red carpet.
7) Pointy nails
Sharp talons like Fergie’s are a little intriguing, kind of scary, and difficult to maintain. We prefer our neatly filed round and squoval nails, thanks.
8) Wedge sneakers
Dresses and sneakers don’t quite compliment each other like a burger and fries (sorry Jordin Sparks, Kristen Stewart did it better). Designer Isabel Marant and countless imitators decided to put a wedge heel on their kicks in an attempt to make them more formal. Well, it didn’t really work, and now the only footwear designed to be comfortable and good for your feet is anything but. That’s a fail …
9) Sheer outfits
Hey Sarah Jessica Parker, your bra is showing! Oh, it’s on purpose? We felt like someone’s grandma this year, wanting to go around and cover up all the women in sheer clothing. In 2013 we vow to leave more to the imagination.
10) Peplums Gone Bad
Splash News Peplums The right style on the right girl is so flattering as it can slim the waist, hide a tummy, and enhance the hips. But not all trends are for everyone and we’ve seen too many peplums gone bad. Slapping a ruffle on the wrong place in a bulky fabric can actually add weight! Peplums are still hitting stores this spring, but let’s avoid a fashion disaster.
11) Printed denim
Jeans are typically an investment piece you wear every day. But be honest: how often are you really wearing your jeans adorned with leopard print, stripes, flowers, or polka dots? And might those patterns be more flattering on, say, an accessory? Thought so.
12) Half-shaved heads
Even Ke$ha has moved on from the under-shaved hairstyle, so let’s all just grow it out.